Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
