no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
