She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
