I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
