please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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