awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
