One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
