my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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