i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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