Are we in a gay sports bar?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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