if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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