OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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