Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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