Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Randomize
