part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
