who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
