but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
