Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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