He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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