Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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