6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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