There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
