the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We are two peas in an std pod
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
