I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
