he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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