Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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