hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
