Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
