I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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