I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
