Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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