how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
two words...techno handjob
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
