the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
