peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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