just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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