FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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