To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
