He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
