i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
