somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i would punch a child for taco bell
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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