does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
