Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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