theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
