if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
