omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
