i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
