Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
