"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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