Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
