How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
